Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
ttyl tear gas
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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