I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
