i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
