i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
