I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
