My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
