lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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