I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
