Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
false alarm. still invincible.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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