Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
