You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
