We need to rekindle our bromance
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
