hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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