Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
farters have to be the big spoon...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
