How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
