she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
