i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
