So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
