I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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