I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize