Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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