I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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