How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize