Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
