you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
