new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
