omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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