he puts the penis in happiness.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
