her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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