i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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