Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
