her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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