its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Green mimosas i think yes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
