You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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