btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i dont even know how to be here
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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