His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
