I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
