Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
