why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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