Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
