Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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