She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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