I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
