forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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