hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm too high and old for this...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
