omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
