he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
