At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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