I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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