Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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