i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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