Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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