This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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