those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
