Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
