Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
