I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
