The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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