she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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