He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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