I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
