Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
