i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
