i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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